Michael Jackson Is Dead

Many people are finding it hard to take in, but yes, Michael Jackson is dead. Reports so far show that the cause of this is a heart attack. Many people are asking themselves "why now," "why after I paid 200 quid for an O2 ticket," ? Well, the only thing HBTN are asking them-self is; can we stop making such a fuss over swine flu for 2 days to talk about Michael? After many hours of stressful debates and arguments, we have negotiated that only 1 article can be dedicated to the death of Michael, then we must continue re-ensuring people about the deadliness of swine flu and the damage it can do to pregnant women.

Michael pumped himself full of pain-killers and popped his clogs leaving the rest of the world running around like headless chickens.

Michael wanted to be cremated but environmentalists strongly advised against it due to the volume of poisonous gas it could create. His body has therefore been sold to Tesco's to be turned into plastic carrier bags.

Julian Burns, Hyped by the news.